Speak of the devil and She will come.

Anai says:

It was with some relief that Jen got her period on the 28th day of her cycle. It doesn't sound like much but those two days before were quite emotionally loaded. Even if the unknown held hope for a pregnancy, the known calmed us greatly. The disappointment brought sadness but came with a tranquility that the two week wait makes you crave. Yet, it's hard to make sure that disappointment doesn't true into feeling disheartened. But I'm sure that's just the way it goes with these things.

You can't help but have your it break when you put your whole heart into something.

I've gone from being certain that I was pregnant to feeling like oh shit what if I am not. From even before the procedure I was sure that this was it for me. I have this out of nowhere gut feeling that I am the most perfect fertile person. Other than being quite regular and twenty five years old I have nothing to back this thought process.

I don't feel any bit pregnant. I let some stomach pains get to my head. This must mean I'm pregnant. It must be it and God pregnancy is awful. The feeling was fleeting and more than likely part of this horrific cold that I still have. There's no way to feel pregnant right now, no matter how much people say they knew they were pregnant the moment it happened.

The doctor himself said there are no symptoms in the first two weeks. Morning sickness itself doesn't usually occur until four weeks in. Symptom spotting is a load of stress and that's all. I don't feel pregnant and it is starting to get to me.

We can't both have negative results. It would change our moods substantially. The optimism needed for this is stressful. Trying not to stress is also stressful. That's the nature of stress and it sucks.

I think it is mostly because we are home sick. Jen misses English and my brain misses it too. We miss or bed and our dog. Every time I think about my mother I have to hold back some tears. The sooner we get pregnant  the sooner we cam make our way back to the place we love and need. It's under your own blankets, in your own house that you can let all your stress go.

Not to say we haven't had a some really nice times lately. Yesterday was Mother's day. My aunt brought me and Jenni some beautiful lilies from her garden as a gift for Mother's to be. Then we drove to Tecpan, where the oldest Mayan city once lay. The ruins were wonderful. The ground had grown around them and the trees had made their root beds within the tallest stone structures. Everyone was having picnics and lying around in the shade like if it was just any sort of park. It was the perfect environment. Apart from watching these two adorable sisters dancing and running to one another, I didn't think of the babies we might have.